Great Expectations

“I don’t expect much from people in general.”

My friend said this to me one night during a discussion on Facebook chat, and when I asked him why, he explained, “they will always just disappoint me.”

Wow. Really?

For some reason, that rubbed me entirely the wrong way. Sure, I guess some people can and will disappoint you, but should that put a blanket over your holistic view of people? Has my friend really been so terribly mistreated, so horribly let down by everyone that he has learned not to expect anything from anyone? I doubt it.

And even if he had been let down by everyone in his life, what makes it okay to lower your standards so people meet your expectations? It’s like erasing the chalky, etched foul line on the pavement and re-drawing it a few feet closer to the basketball hoop. Sure, it may not challenge you anymore, but at least the ball easily swishes through the net every time you shoot.

In elementary and middle school, I remember suffering the consequences of maintaining the scapegoat status in my group of friends. I never got to sit in the middle of the lunch table (everyone knows the people on the ends have it the worst; I had to strain my already sub-par ears just to catch the punch line of a funny story). My friends never invited me into their secret clubs (I distinctly remember them forming a “Bean Club” from which I was excluded, and then ridiculed for not belonging to it. Um, if you’re not going to invite me to your club, how do you justify making fun of me for not being part of it? In retrospect, I’m happy I never joined the Bean Club. My friends probably would’ve made sure I was the kidney bean or lima bean, or something else that’s totally low on the Bean Hierarchy.)

I never accepted those little jabs at my confidence level as okay; I realized that I deserved better friends and I slowly cut off ties with the group (they did finally invite me into the Bean Club; I politely declined).

Now, eight years later, I would definitely say I have good friends--and lots of them. Sure, some of them have disappointed me, and I’m sure I have disappointed some of them. I’m not perfect (by any means), and I don’t expect the important people in my life to be. In fact, I don’t expect anyone in my life to be. Perfection isn’t what I look for—I look for “good enough.”

But what is good enough? Clearly, my friend’s “good enough” does not match mine. His “good enough” is so low, that nobody can disappoint him. Of what use is that?

Is it snobby to hold high expectations of people?
More importantly, what expectations are considered too high?

Overall, I expect kindness. I expect generosity, conscientiousness, and genuine concern about other people. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Why isn't it too much to ask? Because the majority of people actually possess these traits. Enough of this crap about society being selfish, greedy and egotistical. I believe that people are inherently good, caring about others as much as (or more than) they care about themselves. Some will say that this optimism about people is naïve or ignorant—I think it’s ignorant to think otherwise. Call me easy to please, but I am ultimately satisfied with nearly everyone I meet.

And when I’m not satisfied, I move on. I don’t believe that you should lower your expectations to prevent disappointment. If someone disappoints you, it should only propel you to raise your standards for the next person you meet. Because unless you’re looking at someone like James Franco (sexy, talented and smart? Okay, he just might be perfect), there’s always going to be someone who surprisingly surpasses your expectations.

So, while I’m waiting for that person, I will continue to maintain my high standards. And I can only hope that everyone else does, too. My expectations may not always be met, but at least I know that when they are, that person really does meet them. I won’t re-locate my foul line closer to the net—I’d rather wait longer for someone to make the shot from half court. And I know someone will.